Harry Potter After The War
by wolvenzussen
Summary: The war has ended and Harry is depressed. Will he get help? Will he make it trough? Warning! Depression and Selfhurting included in the story!
1. Chapter 1

Hey there, this story is about Harry just after the war is ended.

Chapter 1: Harry leaves.

Harry's Pov;

As I am walking to the Great Hall, I see that all the halls are empty so I figured out everyone is in the Great Hall together. I fasten my tempo a bit and just before I enter the Great Hall I stop walking, take a deep breath and enter the Great Hall. There are lots of people in the hall. Some are crying, some are helping the ones with injuries and others are dead. Fortunately no one seems to see me and I'm glad for it. I continue my walk slowly and I went to see all the bodies and injured people. That's the least I can do for all the people that died for me. There are a lot of dead people where i know the face of but I never talked to them or anything. It makes me sad and happy at the same time. Sad that all those people died for me and happy that I defeated the dark lord. After like 25 five people I see two bodies and they are miserably recognizable. I becomes sad and i didn't even notice the tears as I realized the two bodies were Remus and Tonks. As i can't stand watching these two bodies any longer I lift up my head and looked to the way I didn't reached yet. Even more dead people so there's a high chance that another friend of me has died today. I am the baddest friend ever. I suddenly see all the weasleys in a circle bowing over something and when I see a little piece of fury red hair I realised with a shock it was Fred Weasley. I fell to the ground and i was about to cry when the thought came to me that I can not cry in front of all these people. For them I am the damn Golden Boy. Well I don't see why on earth that is a good thing. Ron takes a look at me and his eyes said enough. I see only fury in his eyes. I understand completely why he is mad at me tough. When Ginny sees me and doesn't say or does anything I understand she doesn't want me around so I leave the Great Hall and when I am completely out of sight I begin to run and run. Faster as I ever did before. About five minutes later I am at the cage that signs the end of the anti-apperating charm. I apparate to Grimmauld place and went in. I go directly to the living room and I start searching for some blank papers. I finally found one paper after searching for 45 minutes and I started writing

 _Dear Weasleys,_

 _I just wanted to say I understand you blame me for the death of Fred and I think you're definitely right because it is my fault. It is as well my fault that Remus, Tonks, Sirius and my parents died. I don't know why everybody sees me as a good person because I am definitely not. It is so clear that I am not so I decided to leave all of you and I want to be left alone so I am not going to say where I am and I don't want you to search for me. I still want to thank all of you to treat me like one of your family but I guess that won't happen anymore so goodbye._

 _Ron,_

 _I know you're reading this out loud but i want to thank you for being there for me all these years and I understand you don't want to be friends with me anymore. I wish you everything you want in your life because you deserve it. Goodbye_

 _Hermione,_

 _I know you're going to search me but I ask you as one last favor, don't! Said that, I want to thank you the most. You're the one that kept me going all these years and I am thankful for all of your support but I suppose all the beautiful things come to an end and our end is now so goodbye_

I wrapped up the paper and gave it to Hedwig, crying. I say to Hedwig where to deliver the letter and I sits back in the couch. I am completely alone for the first time of my life. I kinda like it but now I have time to think. I don't like to think since fourth year. That was the moment I realised all of it had been my fault. My parents death, Peter Pettigrew escaping, Cedric, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Dumbledore, Snape. Yes, even Snape is my fault. I was there when it happened and I did nothing to stop it. I didn't even try to. While he was my guardian all of these years.

Hermione's Pov;

The war has ended, Finally! I enter the Great Hall hand in hand with Ron. Ginny's reaction wasn't as happy as I thought it would be so I ask her why she is so sad. She begins to cry and takes us to a body at the end of the Great Hall. I realise very shocked that the body isn't just a body. It is Fred Weasley! I begin to cry and fell to the ground on my knees just a second later as all the other Weasleys. Fred was such a good person. Okay, i know that he didn't always follow the rules which annoys me sometimes but he was still a good person. He made even the saddest people smile with his jokes and was an excellent seller at the shop. He was as an brother for me and I will miss him so much. After minutes and ùinutes of crying I realise that something is ticking my shoulder. As I look up I see that it is an snow white owl which I know far too well but she's amazing. It is Hedwig! I wonder why he's here and not with Harry and that is the moment I realise i haven't seen him since he defeated Voldemort. I quietly ask the Weasleys if they have seen Harry and everyone shakes his head. Hedwig begins ticking my shoulders again and she shows her paw with a letter at it. I take the letter and realise very sad that this letter isn't going to bring any good news. Every Weasley looks at me when I begin reading out loud:

 _Dear Weasleys,_

 _I just wanted to say I understand you blame me for the death of Fred and I think you're definitely right because it is my fault. It is as well my fault that Remus, Tonks, Sirius and my parents died. I don't know why everybody sees me as a good person because I am definitely not. It is so clear that I am not so I decided to leave all of you and I want to be left alone so I am not going to say where I am and I don't want you to search for me. I still want to thank all of you to treat me like one of your family but I guess that won't happen anymore so goodbye._

 _Ron,_

 _I know you're reading this out loud but i want to thank you for being there for me all these years and I understand you don't want to be friends with me anymore. I wish you everything you want in your life because you deserve it. Goodbye_

 _Hermione,_

 _I know you're going to search me but I ask you as one last favor, don't! Said that, I want to thank you the most. You're the one that kept me going all these years and I am thankful for all of your support but I suppose all the beautiful things come to an end and our end is now so goodbye_

I begin crying again and I notice that I am shaking. Everyone is crying except from Ron and George. After 15 minutes of crying, I finally ask why they are not crying. Ron's face turned from looking sad to looking with no expression at me. Ron takes a deep breath and says that what he says is right and that we are better off without him. I begin crying even harder and begin to feel the growing anger within me. I stand up and walk to ran and without saying anything. When he has the courage to ask me why I slapped him, I can't keep it together on this moment and I begin screaming "How can you say such things about Harry? He has been through so much just to protect us. His friends! And I will not watch you blame him for something that isn't his fault at all. I repeat very clear that Fred's death isn't his fault and we have to let him know as soon as possible that it isn't his fault." With that I leave the Great Hall to search him.


	2. Chapter 2

Hii guys, I wanted to thank you for reading this story and I really appreciate it. I wanted to tell you that you can always send me a private message if you'd like and I wanted to ask you something; What do you think of the idea that iam going to make videos on youtube about Harry Potter After The War? It will be almost the same as this story but with little differences, I think. Let me know what you think and enjoy chapter two!

Hermione's POV:

I am walking to the end of the anti-apperating shield and I am wondering where Harry could be. He wants to be alone so he is definitely not in Hogwarts or Diagon Alley. He is absolutely not by the Dursleys. Maybe he is at Grimmauld place. I am finally at the end of the shield, I apparate as fast as possible to Grimmauld place and I enter the house without knocking because he won't open the door either way. I check the kitchen, basement and the living room as I hear the sound of an explode. I run as fast as I can in the direction of the sound and how nearer I come how harder the sound of an battle. It comes out of an bedroom and as I open the door I see Harry battling four Death Eater. Nobody noticed me and I call the order. Just after I called there are coming more and more Death Eaters in the room. I run in the room with my wand in my hand and I run to the side of an exhausted Harry. Harry stuns as much Death Eaters as he can and I begin firing spells as well. Harry is already injured at his arm but he doesn't even seem to notice. His face seems as he is crying for a week now. I hear a Death Eater shout Crucio at Harry and someone jumps in front of him and the spell hit the person who jumped in front. I am shocked as I see it is Ginny but it is relieving to know the order has arrived. The order storms in the room and they begin battling as well and after nothing more as five minutes we won the fight. There are circa 20 Death Eaters stunned and several members of the order are helping Shacklebolt with apperating the stunned Death Eaters to the ministry. I run to Ginny's side and take her pulse to know if she has a pulse and I am scared as i feel one but it is barely one. It is far too slow. I call Molly over and tell her that Ginny has to go to St. Mungo's. Molly nods and apperates with Ginny. I stand up and begin searching for Harry and I find him sitting on a bed in the room right from everyone else. I walk to him and I kneel for him so that he looks at my face. Harry turns away and I ask quietly if he's okay. "Fine" he answered but I know he isn't. I ask "What's wrong, Harry?". "I said I am fine Hermione" he says and he leaves the room. I start crying in the bed and after a time that felt as a century everything went black.

Harry's pov:

I am only one hour at Grimmauld place and I have cried and cried and cried. I may have defeated Voldemort but it feels like he has won. I have lost everything. My parents, godfather, best friend of parents, lots of friends and the Weasleys. How can I live with myself? It is a question I don't know the answer of. I take a knife and cuts a cut over my arm. It starts bleeding and however, it feels relieving while others would become hysterical at the moment. At the moment I wanted to cut another time; I hear people upstairs and I take as fast as I can my wand and I run upstairs to the people. I take a look after every corner to look if it is an enemy or someone I really don't want to see at the moment. I see two Death Eaters in the room left to mine. I walk in and surprise them as I fire Expelliarmus at one of them. I don't really care if i win or lose. There's nothing left living for me so I can't lose anything. The only ones I will hurt as I die are Hermione and Hagrid because Ron is mad at me for killing Fred. Ginny is mad at me for killing Fred and breaking up with her. The rest of the Wesleys mad for killing Fred as well. The order is mad at me for killing Dumbledore, Snape, Tonks, Lupin, Mad-eye Moody. I hear apparating sounds and now there are four Death Eaters. Not much later is the order alarm going off. How does someone that I am attacked? Or is there another battle going on somewhere else? I feel a touch at my side and I see Hermione next to me. She is probably the one who sent the alarm so the whole order is sent to here. So everyone will know where I am. I will have to leave here after the battle. I shake my head and set my focus on the battle again. I stun two Death Eaters just at the moment there are coming even more Death Eaters. I hear one of them shouting Crucio but I don't know which one it was and I realise too late the spell is going right to me. I see someone jumping in front of me and I don't really have time to look at who it was after the someone is hit by the spell that was meant for me. I begin battling even harder and I see the Order storming in. I stun 5 more Death Eaters and then the battle is finally over. There are circa 20 Death eaters stunned on the ground and I leave the room as fast as I can. I take my bag from my bedroom and just as I sit down I hear the door opening. I don't bother to look up but I know exactly who is in the room. Hermione kneels down before me so that I would look at her face. I look away because I can't stand seeing her after everything that I had done to her. I killed Fred and let Ginny hurt at just one day! She asks quietly if I am okay. I becomes irritated from it because she knows damn well I am not okay. I don't want to give in in her little game so I say that I am fine. She asks "What's wrong?". At this moment I am just mad because she knows what's wrong so why does she even bother asking me. I don't want to say something that makes people even more mad at me so I leave the house with the bag at my back. I don't know where I am going but I know it will be far away from everyone I know. I apparate and I find myself in Godric's Hollow. I begin walking and I know I am walking to the graves of my parents. There are two new graves their. One from Sirius and one for Lupin and Tonks. I wonder when they buried them. I feel tears coming up and I sit down in the middle of the three graves. The middle grave is the grave of Sirius and I begin to talk out all of my feelings. "I am so sorry, guys. It was never my intention that you all would die for ME. I defeated voldemort maybe but it feels like he won. I miss you so much and I know I don't know you all so well but I know I love all of you and I know you don't love me because I let you all die. I don't know how much longer I can't stand to be alive. Alone." I don't know what I said after that because I cried harder and harder while I was talking and I fell asleep after a very very long time.

Heaven Pov:

Lily's pov;

"James you have to come here, now and take Sirius and Fred with you it is important." I said. I hear fast footsteps so I know they are coming. "What's up?" said James. I don't answer but I tell them with my finger where they have to look and they are just as surprised to see Harry in Godric's Hollow. We followed Harry and watched what he was doing there, alone. "Fred, do you know why he is crying?" said James. Fred answered quietly "I think I know what is bothering him because I know him and I watched him closely since I got to know him, he is like a brother to me". James, Sirius and I look questionably at Fred and he continues "He's blaming himself for everything that did go wrong and especially all the deaths". Nobody says anything as we watch Harry walk to our graves. He begins to talk and we all listen closely what he is saying. He starts "I am so sorry, guys. It was never my intention that you all would die for ME. I defeated voldemort maybe but it feels like he won. I lost everything, my parents, my godfather, Dumbledore, and the only home I ever felt like home. My home with The Weasleys, I lost them because Fred has died and it is all my fault" He stops talking for a moment and I am the first person to say anything "You were right Fred but it isn't good for him to take all the blame on himself. Are the Weasleys really blaming him, Fred?" Fred shakes his head and answers "only Ron is blaming him for as far as I know". Everyone went silent as Harry begins speaking again "I miss you all so much and I know I don't know you all so well but I know I love all of you and I know you don't love me because I let you all die. Even Snape is dead because of me, if I just died all those years ago there would never has been so much death because you guys aren't bad persons and you're stronger, smarter and above all loved. I am only loved as The Boy Who Lived but guess what that is not the real me. That's not even close to the real me. The real me is angry, sad, misunderstood, unloved, lonely and above all a murderer. I really don't know how much longer I can't stand to be alive. Alone." He murmured understandable words from this moment on but everyone here is crying. Sirius is the worst of all, he knew him and cared for him the most. Sirius is panicking and we all need to work together to calm him down. After 15 minutes of only crying, I am the first one to speak again "We need to let someone know of his situation because on this moment he is a danger for himself". Everyone nods and Sirius says "Lupin can come here any minute now so someone needs to stay here and the rest is going to write a letter to Hagrid because we can trust him the most with this sort of information" Everyone nods again and Sirius is the one who stays here all the rest will be helping writing the letter. Only ten minutes later the letter is ready to be send with a spell we learned when Harry came back to life in the war.


	3. Chapter 3

Hii guys! I wanted to thank you for reading this. Would you guys like it if i made video's of this story with a little changes of course! Let me know and I am sorry this chapter is chorter but I am doing my best to publice as much as i can... Enjoy!

Hagrid's POV:

I open my eyes slowly and I changes my clothes. I set water on the fire for tea. It is still half an hour before breakfast starts. I am planning on going to the graves of my best friends I have ever had. James and Lily Potter, they still mean so much to me. I still miss them everyday but I don't show it and surely not as Harry is with me. The tea begins to boil and I take it off the fire. I fill my cup with the tea and drink it up slowly. It is almost time for breakfast so i leave for the Great Hall. There are lots of clouds in the sky and they show it is going to rain today. I enter the Great Hall and I am shocked to see how empty it is. There is no Snape with his bad mood, no Pomfrey because she is still too busy with some injured people and Trelawney is in the hospital wing to help Pomfrey with the injured people. I am shocked to see Mcgonagall, she looks very tired and I ask her if she has slept good. She shakes her head and tells me that she only slept three hours. She did rebuildings the rest of the night. I give her a hug and tell her it will be okay. She hugs me back and thanks me for my support. We walk to the staff table and Mcgonagall sit at the chair of the headmistress because she is now fulfilling that position and I am proud of her. All the teachers sit down and takes some food, everything is quiet and I truly hope it will soon be normal again. Everyone looks questionable as an owl comes in from hogwarts but who did send a letter. I am even more surprised to see the owl coming to me. I silently hope it is a letter from the burrow to hear that they are all doing well and that Harry and Hermione are there as well. I take the letter from the owl and I give the owl a cookie and the owl flies away. There is no name on the letter. The only thing written on the outside of the letter is that I have to read it alone and the only other person that can read the letter if I want is Mcgonagall. I show her the outside of the letter and give her a sign to follow me after breakfast. Mcgonagall and I begin to eat as fast as we can and we leave the Great Hall only 5 minutes later. We walk really fast to my hut. It is raining outside so we begin to run. We enter my hut and we sit down in the chairs as I carefully open the letter and I begin to read out loud:

 _Dear Hagrid (and Mcgonagall),  
I know you're going to be surprised to know where this is coming from but this is letter is coming from James, Lily, Remus, Sirius and Fred out of heaven and we wanted to tell you a few important things. Let's begin with saying that we are always watching over you and we miss you guys. Second thing is a favor I want to ask you. The favor is to go and tell the Weasleys that we thank them for their care over Harry and that we are taking care over Fred just the same as they did with Harry. Now the most important thing and the real reason why we learned this spell and send this letter to you. You two or Hagrid alone has to find Harry as soon as possible. He left yesterday just after the war but he left alone. He is really depressed, Hagrid. He is blaming himself for our deaths and the deaths of Snape, Tonks, Cedric and Dumbledore as well. He came to our graves yesterday and told us he doesn't deserve to be alive while we are dead. Hagrid, He is a danger for himself. You have to find him and tell him how much you care for him and that you are family just as Mcgonagall is. Tell him that nobody blames him for the deaths and that it isn't his fault, please help him. _

Mcgonagall leave the hut and run as fast as we can to the end of the shield and apparate to Godric's Hollow.

Hermione's POV:

I am still at st. Mungos and Ginny didn't wake yet. I am crazy worried about her and Harry. Nobody knows where Harry is and Ginny is injured badly. Ginny took an Cruciatus curse on the head for Harry. I stayed with her for the night and I haven't left her side. She is like a sister for me and I can't leave her here alone. There's a knock on the door and I tell to enter. It is ms. Weasley. She sends me out to find Harry. I ask her how things are going at the burrow. "Ron still blames Harry for Fred and that Ginny is here, now. George realised it isn't Harry's fault. The rest is at work so it is very quiet" she said. I nod her and ask her to let me know if Ginny wakes up. She nods and wishes me luck with finding Harry. I said nothing more and left the room. I apparate to Grimmauld Place once more and I search the whole house and I found nothing. All his stuff is gone and kreacher don't know where he is so I leave the house again and I think of where he could be then. I think of The leaky Cauldron because no one would think him to be there and that makes it so smart. I apparate there and I walk to the bar. "Sir, did a young man check in yesterday?" I ask cautiously. He shakes his head so I leave again. That is the moment where I realised that he is in Godric's Hollow of course. I apparated to Potter Manor and I enter the house quietly because if he know that I am here. He will apparate away and I can start over with looking places. I look in the kitchen, living room and the whole ground floor and I found nothing. I am shocked how broken the house is. I walk up the stairs and I walk to a room with baby stuff and I realise that this must be the room of Harry when he was a baby. It is a lovely room except from the mess of the attack. I leave the room and check the other rooms. Nothing! I leave the house again and I am surprised to see a big, hairy person run right to the graveyard. Next to the man is a old, well-mannered woman. I realise with a shock that it is Hagrid and McGonagall. Are they visiting the graves of James, Lily and Sirius? It could but why are they so hurried then. I begin to run and try to catch up with them to ask them what is going on but I don't get an answer of them.

Hagrid's POV:

Mcgonagall and I arrive at Godric's Hollow and we begin to run again. We run past the Potters Manor straight to the graveyard where Harry is last be seen as far as we know. It's still raining outside but I don't care right now. I am surprised to hear Hermione's voice asking what is going on but I don't have breath to answer the question and we don't have the time for this conversation right now. We finally reach the graveyard and I ask Mcgonagall if she knows where the graves exactly are. She shakes her head but Hermione begins to walk in front of us without saying something but I follow her and Mcgonagall does the same thing. She suddenly begins to run and just a second later I realise why. Harry is sleeping against the grave of Sirius but he is rolling and he is clearly panicking. How does he even sleep? I mean it's raining and he is super wet but he sleeps through it. It is almost scary to see him like this but Hermione clearly knows what to do in this situation because she is the only one that doesn't look scared or worried or surprised at all. She walks cautiously nearer to Harry and she kneels down next to him. She lays a hand on his hips and his shoulder and she says his name quietly just so we don't scare him. Harry jumps up and has his wand within the second. He steps back and ask "what are you doing here?". "Harry easy, we want to help you." I say. "You can't help me. I don't deserve your help" Harry says. Harry takes another step backwards and he still has his wand out. But he doesn't aim at us, he is aiming at himself while he is crying. "Why do you think that, Harry?" asks Mcgonagall. "You all know why, I am a murderer and that makes me as bad as he was." he says. I open my mouth to say something but Harry interrupts me "Stop, Hagrid. I just want you to know that I am sorry for letting you friends die and that counts for the three of you and I will stop hurting you by leaving all of you, all of this, Goodbye". I begin crying and wanted to do something but it felt like I couldn't move. I was so happy that he came back to life and now I am going to lose him again. I suddenly look up as I hear "Stupefy" coming with the shaky voice of Hermione. Harry falls to ground stunned.

Hermione's POV:

Harry is talking to us and he is saying all the words I fas afraid of to hear him saying them. It sounds like he is saying goodbye and I am desperately looking for a solution. He aims his own wand to himself and it scares me as hell. Then it hits me, the only idea I have on this moment is to stun him for his own safety. At the moment he is focused to Hagrid and Mcgonagall, I take my wand and at the moment he says goodbye, I shout "Stupefy" and Harry falls to the ground, stunned. I feel terrible about stunning him but it was for his own good. At least that I keep telling myself. I run to the stunned Harry and whisper "sorry" to him. Hagrid and Mcgonagall are now standing behind me. "Was he really trying to kill himself?" I ask unsure if I want to know the answer. "I think so" is the answer I get from Mcgonagall. I put my arms tightly around him and apparate to the burrow. I lay him down in a bed in the room from Ron. I don't unstun him yet because Molly needs to be here if he wakes up again. I ask Hagrid if he wants to keep an eye on him and Ron. He nods and I take Mcgonagall with me to st. Mungos. I run through the hospital, straight to the room of Ginny. I knock on the door and hear the voice of Molly say "enter". I open the door slowly and show Molly that Mcgonagall is with me. Molly stands up and runs to Mcgonagall and they hug. Molly starts crying again and after a minute or 5 she looks at me and asks me "Why aren't you searching for Harry? He is a danger for himself after his letter". "I know but I have found him at the same time as Mcgonagall and Hagrid did" is my answer. Molly asks us how he was and Mcgonagall is the one that answered her question "Sorry Molly, but I am afraid to tell you that it is even worse than I ever would dare imaging about his situation. He tried to kill himself when we found him and Hermione had to stop him by stunning him. He is safely in the burrow, still stunned, under Hagrid's watch. Molly nods and says "she is going home then but Ron has to come and he has to keep an eye on Ginny". I nod and take the two women back to the burrow. We arrive in the burrow again and I find Ron in the couch of the living room. I walk up to him and I ask him if he wants to go to Ginny while Molly takes care of some things. "Take care of what?" he ask. " Taking care Harry so that he won't take his own life" I said while I started crying and I left the room before Ron could say a word. I saw Ron leaving the house from the stairs and when he was gone, I walked up the stairs for yet another fight. I entered the room and found George, Molly, Mcgonagall, Hagrid and Arthur already there. George is asking questions about what happened. After the whole story he's looking shocked at Harry just the same way as the rest is looking at him. "We need to keep calm in his presence as he wakes up" I said and everyone nods. I take Harry's wand and I take my own and I unstun him.

Harry's POV:

I open my eyes and find myself not in Godric's Hollow so I jump up and I scan the situation. Hermione, Hagrid, Mcgonagall, Molly and Arthur are looking at me and they are obviously startled by my fast reaction. I remember what happened and I feel a little anger borreling inside my chest. "Why am I here?" I said without any emotion in my voice and a poker face. "Harry, you tried to kill yourself! Why?" is the answer I get from Hagrid. "I don't want to talk about anything or with anyone" I say it with only anger, not even a little bit of sadness. "We are going to watch 24/7 from now on but you can choose who will stay with you" Molly said sadness obvious to read on her face. "Go away, all of you except from Hagrid!" I answered. Hermione hesitated for just one moment but she left with everyone left except from Hagrid. He laid me back in bed and put the covers above me. He sat down next to me and he gave me a glass of water. I drink it up and thank him. I feel extremely tired and I look away and don't answer any question I know he asks. Hagrid says that if I need anything I just have to call. I don't react and he leaves my side, sits down on a chair at the other side of the room. I'm alone again and it doesn't bother me at all. I don't deserve them. I will hurt them again and again. Voldemort was right when he said that I am a fool. I stare into nothing and I lose all the reality of the world. There are my thoughts and for the rest nothing. I should have died today! I won't be able to die until they think I am okay again. It is not only the deaths but the Dursleys as well. They treated me as a slave and a bunch bag but I would love to get beaten at the moment. The worst part of living with the Dursleys is that nobody know how they treated me and they never will. I lost consciousness and I fell asleep. I was back in the maze and I tell Cedric once again to take the cup with me. He listens, so stupid of him. I know what is coming and I want to jump in front of Cedric but I find myself unable to move. Voldemort shouts the spell and Cedric lays back on the ground. Dead and it is my fault! I wake up crying and I find myself in the same room as earlier, I am in cold sweat and Molly stands by my side. I nod and look away again. I can't stand to look at them, I can't let myself be happy again. I don't deserve to be happy. "Why didn't Ginny try to talk to me" I ask unsure.


	4. Chapter 4

Molly's POV:

Harry is asleep for two hours now and I am just done finishing my dinner so I walk upstairs to the room of Ron where Harry is staying at the moment. I walk in and I whisper to Hagrid that he can go and have dinner and a good night. He nods and leaves the room as quietly as he can. I am his guardian for the night and Ron sleeps in the spare room. I feel alone for the first time after the war. I am always with Hermione in the hospital or I am trying to convince Ron of Harry's innocence but we all know Ron so that is going to take a while. I don't understand why Harry can't stop hurting himself mentally. He has gone through so much and now that everything is over, he is ruining it for himself. I can't stand to see him like this after Fred and he doesn't even know that Ginny is in the hospital. I feel tears coming up in my eyes. We need to help him, I need to. I promised them. I promised it to James and Lily. I am crying and for the first time since the war I am not trying to stop it. I cry for like a century but it feels like it took a lot of weight from my shoulders. I hear something in the bed of Harry and I put on the bureau lamp. The light hurts my eyes after hours sitting in the dark. I am relieved to see that Harry is still sleeping but also concerned to see that Harry is tossing around in his sleep. He looks really scared and he is definitely sweating. I run to his side and wanted to wake him up but he started murmuring. "Stop! Please, I will never let it burn again…..! Please stop!" Harry said in his sleep. There is something else besides his feelings of guilt towards everyone that has died. But I don't know what because I didn't understand everything he said. I shake his eyes softly and he wakes up with only fear and sadness in his eyes. He hides protectively under his covers. He is shaking and constantly murmurs apologies for something but I don't know what. I speak softly and clear "Harry, sweatie, what's wrong?". Harry comes out of the covers and says "Sorry, I had a nightmare, it is nothing!". "What did you dream, Harry?" I asked really concerned. "Nothing really!" Harry said really irritated. I nod and say "You can talk to me, Harry! I don't blame you for anything, not for Fred, Lily, James, Sirius, Tonks, Lupin or Ginny". "Ginny? Is Ginny dead?" He jumps out of bed and continues "Oh no, it is my fault! Just another body and it is my fault yet again. I need to go before I am hurting anyone else. It is enough, I did too much to everyone!" Harry is pacing around in the room and I am really worried about him. He is in pannick. "Harry please sit down!" I say. He's ignoring me and I send my patronus away to Hagrid and Mcgonagall. I walk slowly to Harry, he sees me and runs out of the room.

Harry's POV:

I had a dream about the Dursleys and after that, I hear that there's something wrong with Ginny. Maybe she's dead or badly injured and it is all my fault. I am running, running of the stairs, running out of the house, running away from everyone and anything. I am running to the end of the anti-apparating shield that is still here from the wedding. I saw Hagrid running to me and at the other side was Mcgonagall running. Hermione, Molly and Arthur are behind me. I am running even faster now and I am close to the lake where the shield ends. Hermione is shouting "Harry, please stop running! We want to help you!". Molly shouts "Harry please, what happened to Ginny is not your fault and she will be okay but she need you". I stopped running immediately and I say "She needs me for what, to be hurt again, to die the next time. She needed me last year and I left her, I left her with the Death Eaters. She needs me to stay away, all of you need that. I loved my parents and they are dead, I loved Sirius and he is dead, the same counts for Lupin and Tonks, I love Ginny and she is injured in the hospital.". I am crying now and I continue without thinking "He was right, They were all right. I am a waste of space, a fool and I should have chosen that night in the forbidden forest to die!" I said and everyone was crying now. I turn around and walk away. Away from my friends because they need me to leave for their own good. They don't know that yet but what do they now. They have an image of who I am but I am not that person. They think I had argues a lot with the Dursleys but they don't know how they treated me in the reality. They think I am good but even now without Voldemort everything seems dark and so on. I am walking and thinking and how longer I am doing this how more sure I am that to leave them is the right choice. I apparate to Grimmauld Place and I walk to the kitchen and I take a knife while I am crying. I put the knife to my pulse and I cut a first time. It is relieving. I cut a second and third time and then I walk to the shower. I shower and go to the living room. I train like I always do when I am worried. I do push-ups, squats, pomping, boksing, running and last weightlifting. After the workout I do take a sort of diary, I just write in it when I feel the need to do so. Today I wrote:

I am alone, so alone  
It feels like I have a heart of stone

I deserve it, I am bad and I deserve to be suck with darkness

Dark, dark, dark, the light keeps getting less

I miss the Weasleys but I killed their bro

And I hurt the only love I have ever had also

I would give everything to see the death ones once more

It feels like I am rotten to the core

But a treatment like the Dursleys treated me, I deserve it

I almost wish I would be getting hit

I deserve to be suck with the darkness

Dark, dark, dark, the light keeps getting less

I am shocked to see what I have written down. I am shocked but not very surprised. My last verse wasn't that dark or like others would describe it, troubling. But to be fair, it doesn't even bother me. All it does to me is just another confession about my characteristics that Voldemort also had. There is one difference though, he used his anger on other, I use it on myself. I close my verse diary, put off my glasses and go to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Hii, I am sorry that it took so long but I do not have much time in the week bbut I try! Enjoy!

Mcgonagall's POV:

I am sitting in the bureau of the headmaster because I am the headmaster now. I am trying to write the letters for the new year but I can't concentrate, I keep thinking about Harry but I know he's safe with the Dursleys. I am writing when I suddenly see a bright light fly in the room and I am immediately alarmed when I realise it is the patronus of Molly flying in the room. Molly's patronus is an unicorn named Lily, Molly gave her Lily's name as promise to them to always stand beside them and she always kept her promise, even after her dead. I say loud and clear "Speak Lily". It says in the concerned voice of Molly "We need your help at the burrow, Harry is having some sort of panic attack and take Hagrid with you ASAP". The lights fades and I do not spoil a second I apparate to Hagrid's hut and I storm in without knocking. Hagrid is alarmed immediately and asks "Harry?". I nod and apparate with him to the Burrow. I see Molly running and Arthur and Hermione are following her so Hagrid and I do the same. We start running and we catched up with them almost instantly. I am shocked to realise why everybody is running. Harry is running in the lead and Molly seems even more concerned so I guess that Harry is running away and I really don't know why. I am surprised to hear Hermione's voice so clear and not a little hard to understand by her breathing 'cause her breathing is completely under control while she shouts "Harry, please stop running! We want to help you!". Molly doesn't leave time for Harry to answer, she is before him and she says "Harry please, what happened to Ginny is not your fault and she will be okay but she need you". Harry turns around and stops running, he is looking mad and distracted. He looks lost, his eyes are one big blur. Even more lost than he ever did, more lost than the night of return of Voldemort, more lost than when he was when he found out about any death in his life. He is a mess, a puzzle that broke and we need to fix him. For his loved ones, for the Marauders, for Lily and James. He shouts "She needs me for what, to be hurt again, to die the next time. She needed me last year and I left her, I left her with the Death Eaters. She needs me to stay away, all of you need that. I loved my parents and they are dead, I loved Sirius and he is dead, the same counts for Lupin and Tonks, I love Ginny and she is injured in the hospital.". I am shocked, Harry needs help and very fast. He takes the time to breathe and continues calmer but as loud as before "He was right, They were all right. I am a waste of space, a fool and I should have chosen that night in the forbidden forest to die!" I am crying just like everyone else and I didn't have the energy left to start running again as he turns around and walks away.

Hermione's POV:

Harry disappeared ten minutes ago, I fell to the ground. I am crying and I am wondering what he is blaming himself for. His situation is worse than I ever thought it would be. I want to help him. He's like a brother to me, the only one who understands how it is to have no parents. I am crying even harder and it is getting harder to breathe as well. I am sinking into my own thoughts and I lose every sight of the real world. Harry is a danger for himself! Ginny is in life danger at the hospital! My parents don't even know I exist! The weasley's stopped smiling after the war! Ron is still mad at Harry and he won't talk to me 'till I say that it all is Harry's fault! My head is pounding and my sight is becoming faded and I feel hands on my shoulder. Somebody is standing in front of me but I can't see who it is. He/She is talking but I don't hear the words. My head is starting to turn and my breathing is still way too fast. I am not getting air and my body starts to hurt. I am worried about Harry, Molly, Hagrid, Mcgonagall, Ginny, George, Arthur, Percy, Bill, Fleur, Charlie and Luna. Luna and the Weasleys are all sad and worried because of Ginny and the death of Fred. Worried about Harry's situation and worried about Hagrid and Mcgonagall about their concern about Harry and that is not everything. My sight is completely gone and I feel myself falling down on the ground and I fade away.

Molly's POV:

I am crying from what Harry said 10 minutes ago but I start pushing the tears back. I need to be strong in front of Hermione. Hermione is crying as well and I see her breathing becoming faster. I am very concerned about her. Hermione is very strong and has always been strong all these years but she can't keep handling with everything. She will never admit it but her energy to keep strong has an end and the end of it is here. I need to be here for her, now more than ever. I walk to her side and kneel down in front of her. I lay my hand on her shoulder and begin to speak "Hermione I am here for you and don't you dare to tell me you're okay because you are not ok and it is okay to not be okay. We are all here for you and it is going to be okay, we'll get through this okay? Ginny will be okay and Harry will be okay an Ron will know that it is not Harry's fault. I know it for sure but you need to get your breathe under control. Arthur, come here, Hermione is having a panic attack!" Everyone comes running to me and I see the tears slowing down but her breath is still getting faster. Hermione's eyes are going from side to side like she is searching something but not much later that is slowing down too. She falls down after a time that felt like forever and she blacked out. I feel a tear rolling down my cheeks and I see Hagrid picking her up without any problems. He's still crying but we all try to act strong. We all walk back inside and we lay Hermione in her bed and we lay down a glass of water and a bell for if she needs us and we aren't in her room. We leave the room so that she can sleep calmly. We walk down and just as Mcgonagall wanted to excuse herself to leave, I say "Could we all talk, pleas? We are all adults but that doesn't mean we need to be strong all the time. We all have had rough times and we need to talk to each other and all the kids are to bed now so we can talk". Everyone nods and I take the lead and walk to the living room and I sit down in a chair. Everyone follows my lead and there is an awful silence for almost three minutes and Mcgonagall is the first one to speak "In my opinion, we need to leave Harry alone for some time. We're just going to make him even more mad if we're going to keep disturb his own way to healing". Hagrid is crying again and Mcgonagall stands up and walks over to him, they hug for a moment and they sit back down to continue the talk. Arthur takes a deep breath and says "Let's meet up every friday to write a letter to Harry and try to follow his situation. Besides Harry we have a lot more problems, we need to help Hermione as well and Ron and George and our own". Everyone nods and I stand up and say "okay, tonight's meeting is almost over because we are all tired and it is very late but before we go we need to write Harry his first letter to talk to him about the situation. 30 minutes later, they are all in their bed for a well deserved sleep


	6. Chapter 6

I hope you enjoy chapter 6! disclaaimer: I don't own anything besides the story line...

Harry's POV:

I open my eyes slowly and I am surprised to see an owl which I don't know with a letter at one of his legs. I carefully take the letter, I put my glasses on and I walk to the kitchen to get some food for the owl. I give the owl a little piece of meat and I sit down in the couch as I open the letter and recognise the writing of Mcgonagall, I read:

 _ **Dear Harry,**_

 _ **Please read the whole letter before you judge us…**_

 _ **We all care about you and we love you but we know that keep searching you will only get you madder so we will leave you but there are conditions:**_

 _ **1\. We will write you a sort of newsletter every friday and we get a letter every week from you**_

 _ **2\. In this letter you will be completely honest about your situation**_

 _ **3\. You can send letters to Hermione and Ron without us reading it**_

 _ **4\. You won't do anything stupid**_

 _ **That were all the conditions but the letter is not over though. I need you to know that you're not alone. I know I don't know you that well and I suspect nobody really does but I am always there for you. We all are. We want to meet all the sides of Harry Potter but you need to let us meet the sides of you. You choose for yourself how long you stay away but know that you're welcome at the burrow of Hogwarts whenever you want. Besides this owl is a gift from Hagrid**_

 _ **Love from Mcgonagall, Hagrid, Arthur, Molly**_

I close the letter and take a piece of parchment, I begin to write:

 **Hello there,**

 **Here's my first answer so I go in on your suggestion, I want to know in your letter how everything and everyone is doing there, ok? I also want to visit Ginny every wednesday between 1pm and 3pm and I want to be alone then, ok? In this letter won't be any information about how I am doing because you already know because I saw you just yesterday. I want to say something to Hagrid though, I am so sorry. I know you wanted me to be like my parents and I know you're not proud of me because of who I am and I know for sure that my parents wouldn't be proud either but I just miss them so freaking much.**

 **Ps. Thanks for the owl, she will get a beautiful name**

 **The not so golden boy**

I called my new owl. The owl is a girl, I only just found out. I have had a few ideas to name her:

Limes (Lily and James)

Lijasimus (Lily, James, Sirius, Remus)

Relimesus (Remus, Lily, James and Sirius)

Padmoproly (Padfoot, Moony, Prongs, Lily)

That's it Padmoproly, My new owl, she looks like this

I send Padmoproly away with my letter. And I did go upstairs again to put on clothes and start my work out again. I do the same routine as yesterday? So I do push-ups, squats, pomping, boksing and last weightlifting. It is two days and a half ago since I ate but I am not hungry, not even a little bit. And I have been spotting for almost two hours but I am not even tired and I decide to go for a run. I left the house without thinking so I am wearing nothing to cover up who I am. I start running through the woods nearby Grimmauld Place. I run in the woods at a high speed. Running and running and running while I am thinking about everything that upsets me. The deaths, Ginny's condition, who I am, the fact that I have to live alone so that no one would get hurt. After I ran for a very long time, I finally stopped running and I sat down on a fallen tree. I catch my breath and I realise that I am finally hungry and thirsty so I decide to go to the Leaky Cauldron. I apparate and walk in the Leaky Cauldron. The store is just as small as ever but still very busy. There are circa 30 wizards and witches in the Leaky Cauldron so I go and sit in a very unnoticeable corner of the room. A waitress walks up to me and asks me what I want to drink or eat. I order a butterbeer and a spaghetti bolognaise. She sits down in front of me and whispers "Harry, is it really you, harry potter?". I look up and I am surprised to see Cho in front of me. "Cho, since when do you work here?" "Since the war." "Please do not tell anybody that I am here". She nods and leaves. I put my head back down and wait in silence for my food and my drink. Which doesn't take so long actually. It is only 7 minutes later that Cho walks to me and gives me my food and drink. She says mister to cover up who I am and I am thankful for that but I know I will be discovered once I am in Diagon Alley. I want to go and buy some ingredients for a potion I want to make. It is a potion to become an animagi. That way I can go and walk around without anyone recognising me. That way I can spy on the burrow without they know. Maybe if I become an animal, I won't have to turn back to my human form. I will be left alone for once and for all. Finally! I eat my spaghetti as fast as I can but I only eat the half portion. I drink the whole butterbeer and start walking to the pharmacie. I set literally three steps in Diagon Alley and I am discovered. Everyone starts clapping and I roll into the role of being The Boy Who Lived. Multiple people start heading over and they all want a paragraph from me. I am a little overwhelmed by all these people and I am struggling to keep smiling. I start walking again and I pass Rita Skeeter with a nod but I don't say anything to her. I go in the pharmacy and buy myself some stuff. I pay and I leave again. There are people waiting for the store and I smile as I leave the store. I say carefully "Sorry people but I really need to go". They let me pass and I apparate back home.

Hermione's POV:

I open my eyes and I find myself in my room but I do not have a clue how I came here. The last thing I remember is Harry walking away from me. From us. His Family! I run downstairs and see all the Weasleys at the table eating breakfast. Ginny, George and Harry are missing though. I sit down next to Ron and before I can say anything Molly comes to me and asks me how I am feeling. I say "I am okay but how did I get in my room?". Molly hesitates and carefully asks me "How much do you remember of yesterday night dear?". "The last thing I remember is Harry leaving us again" I say calmly. Molly comes to me and lays her hand on my shoulder and says "You had a panic attack and we want you to know that you don't have to be strong all the time. We are here for you, Hermione, ok?. "Okay Molly but why is nobody searching Harry?" I say. Molly says "We are not going to search him, he wants to be alone and we all think it is the best if we leave him alone for some time but we're not giving him up. We sent a letter to him with some conditions and if he doesn't agree we are going to search him, ok?". "Okay, what are the conditions?" I say a little shocked and overwhelmed. "We are going to write him a letter each friday and he needs to answer honest about his situation and he needs to answer honestly the questions and he can't do anything stupid." Molly says while she has a tear in her eyes but tries to hide it.


	7. Chapter 7

Hii there and welcome back to my story, I don't anything except from the story line, enjoy!

Harry has been gone for four months now. He is still a little depressed but is learning to live with himself, He still eats way too less and he is way too thin now. He still sports everyday a couple of hours so he is very muscular. He has been holding his promise to fulfill the conditions to be left alone but there is one thing. He hasn't say anything out loud or left the house for one month now. Nobody except from the Weasleys, Mcgonagall and Hagrid knows where Harry is but there are lots of news articles asking where the boy who lived is etcetera.

Mcgonagall has problems with finding a new teacher for Defence Against The Dark Arts and new school year starts in 4 weeks and Hogwarts is has not been recovered. They are trying as much as they can but everybody is so busy with recovering damage from Voldemort everywhere so there aren't much people who can help.

Hagrid is still very worried about Harry but is picking himself together. Hagrid is repairing the castle and is very busy with helping a lot of beasts in the Forbidden forest. Some ar injured so Harry is taking care of them and others need help with other more natural things and he still has to do the things he always have to do. So Hagrid has not much time left to rest or something like that.

The Weasleys are becoming more normal. George is becoming more happy, Ron has finally stopped blaming Harry, Ginny is still in coma in the hospital. Bill, Charlie and Arthur are working again so they aren't home most of the time. Molly is still very worried about Harry and Ginny but is dealing with the pain of Fred's Death first. Hermione is back to Hermione except from her worries about Harry and Ginny, her two best friends.

Harry's POV:

I am walking down Hogsmeade while I am making my way to Hogwarts. It is the first time in a month I am outside and it is warm outside. I want to help repair Hogwarts, it still is my fault that it has so much damage now so why should I not help repairing it. That way I can think of something else then myself and the people that had died so that is a good thing. I have received a lot of letters from a lot of people. Neville and Luna send me lots of letters and I always answer like I am doing fine but my letters are way shorter than they used to be before the war though. Draco send me one but I never even opened it. Let aside that I answered it. The weekly letter is the only one I answer a little bit honest. There are things I do not say like when I harmed myself which I didn't do in a long time now. I let away that I am eating barely, I eat one little meal in three days and I am not feeling hungry at all. I let away how much I am sporting. I mean they know I sport but they don't know I sport four hours a day. They don't know I am making a potion to become an animagi which I can take next week. I don't want them to know that i al going to become an animagi. I set only three steps on the grounds when I see a figure running straight to me. It only takes a few milliseconds to know it is Hagrid. He gives me a huge hug and is really happy to see me but I don't really know why though. Why would such a good person as Hagrid be happy to see a bad person like me? I'm still a murderer but I can't stand to be alone any longer. I will not go and live at the Burrow but I am planning on going there Friday though. I give him a hug back and I pretend to be fine. I am done with all the "I am very worried" stuff. I ask how he is doing. "I'm fine but the more important thing is how are you, Harry?" Hagrid asks a little worried. "Fine, I have been doing great the last week so I decided to come and help with the repairs". Hagrid nods and lets me continue my way to the castle. What once a home for me is now a ruin. It hurts to see the castle like this. So much happened. The pranks of the Weasleys twins and they will never do a prank again. I only see good old memories and realise that it will never be the same again. My thoughts are interrupted by a way too familiar voice. I turn around and say "Hello professor Mcgonagall, long time no see". I try my best to fake a smile and I go over to give her a hug. She is surely surprised by my actions but she returns the hug. "How have you been doing, Harry" She says with the same worried ton in her voice that Hagrid had just a few minutes ago. "I'm doing great but that is not why I am here though. I wanted to ask you something" I say a little insecure. "Go on" is all Mcgonagall says. "Can I stay here for a little while? I promise to leave when the school year starts" I ask a little shy. "Sure, but why aren't you going to the Burrow?. "I- uhm- just can't" I say. "Why?" Mcgonagall says with a worried look on her face. "I can't face them after what I did to them and I am here to repair the castle as well, I mean it is my fault that it is damaged so it only seems fair that I am the one to repair it". "Harry listen to me-" "no profesor now if you will excuse me, I will set my stuff here tonight I am going to repair the castle now" I say and I leave without waiting for an answer. I walk to the entrance of the school and take my wand out of my pocket for the first time since the war. I feel an energy flying through me like it never did before. I feel stronger, more energetic and well-knowing than ever. I definitely have new powers, I can feel it. I raise my wand and I am done with repairing the entrance hall in a record time. I have done it on my own in two hours. But if someone else did it alone it would have took 5 hours minimum.

Hermione's POV:

I open my eyes at the side of Ron. Yesterday night was a disaster. I can't keep saying no to Ron everytime our snog session is going too far. But that doesn't matter right now. I need to breakfast and get ready before I go to Hogwarts. I want to speak Mcgonagall about redoing my year. I want to get my NEWT's before I go and search for a job. It is only a little hour later when I leave the Burrow to apparate to Hogwarts. I enter Hogwarts through Hogsmeade and I see Hagrid very happy. It is the first time I have seen him happy since the war and I am happy that he is going back to normal. Hagrid's normal anyway. I walk up to him and I ask why he is so happy. "Harry is here" was his answer. I am becoming very happy as well "where Hagrid?". "Don't know exactly he said something about talking to Mcgonagall or something" Hagrid says. "Thanks" is my answer and I start running to find Harry. I enter Hogwarts and I almost immediately find Mcgonagall. "Hey professor, is it correct that Harry is here, in the castle, now?" I ask very desperately to speak to him. "Ah Miss Granger, yes, Harry is here at the entrance repairing the castle but I will assure you that he won't open up as easily as you hope he would" Mcgonagall said without looking to me because she was busy with casting a repairing spell. "Thanks, Can I talk to you later this day?" I ask already starting to walk back. "Ofcourse you can, bye miss Granger". I do not make the effort to answer. Instead I turn around and run to the Entrance Hall to find Harry. It only takes me three minutes before I find Harry but except from his face, he doesn't look like Harry at all. This is a grown-up man, muscular, thin, and looking very pale as well. Okay, he always was thin but not this thin like he is way too thin. I wonder how much he has been eating the last four months. I wanted to say hey just at the moment I see Harry falling to the ground. I send a patronus to Ms. Weasley with the message: _Dear Ms. Weasley, please come to St. Mungos, I will explain everything later._ End message. The patronus runs away and I sent the same patronus to Hagrid and Mcgonagall. After I send those messages I runned over to Harry and I pick him up what did go way too easily. I apparate us both to St. Mungos and I call a doctor. I show who it is and I whisper to ask to keep this a secret. The doctor nods and takes Harry with him to do some tests. I have to go to wait in the waiting room. Now it is waiting, waiting for the rest to arrive, waiting for the test results. It is only ten minutes later that the first informed person has arrived and that person is Molly. She is looking very worried and she rushes to my side to ask me what is wrong. I do not give her the chance to spoil the time to ask the obvious question and I immediately say "It is Harry, I don't know what is wrong but when I was in Hogwarts, Hagrid told me that Harry was there so I went looking for Mcgonagall to ask her where he was. When I finally found him he looked very pale and when I wanted to say he, he just fainted… I don't know what is wrong, Molly". I am very worried and I am crying now. Molly gives me a hug which is more than welcome at the moment so I hug her back. I don't know how long we sat in this position but we only let go of each other because Hagrid and Mcgonagall had arrived. They are both worried as well because they obviously don't know what is going on. I recall the story once again and I see the suspected change of look in their eyes. I had seen the same change in Molly's eyes when I told her and everytime I rethink of the story more questions bop up in my mind. Why did Harry faint? Why was Harry so pale? Why was Harry so thin? When did Harry get so muscular? ...


	8. Chapter 8

Hey guys, I don't own anything except from the story line. Enjoy!

Hermione's POV:

It is two very long hours later that the nurse comes in. I just wanted to ask what is wrong with him but the nurse was first and asked "is it correct that the patient and Ginny Weasley know each other?". She continues when we all nod in agreement with the question "Do you mind if we lay the patient in the same room as Ginny Weasley then? It is because the hospital doesn't has that much empty rooms left since the war and it would be handy, that is all..". "We surely don't mind" is the answer Molly gives and the nurse gives us a sign to follow her. The nurse walks and walks while my worries are becoming bigger, the time is becoming slower and the questions are slowly taking over my logical part of the brain. It seems like we are already walking a century when we finally enters the room of Ginny. But now there is a second bed in the room with Harry in it, unconscious. "What is wrong with Harry" Hagrid asks. "Well, Harry is eating way too less and still does way too much sporting and magic." the nurse answered. Harry has been starving himself. Did he do it on purpose or is he doing it unknowingly. That is the only question in my head on this very moment. The nurse walked to Molly and took her aside for a moment. Mcgonagall, Hagrid and I looked just as curious as the the other two in the room. We were all wondering why the nurse took Molly aside. It seems another long century later that Molly and the nurse came back in. Molly had tears in her eyes but just at the moment I wanted to ask what was wrong the nurse started to talk. "While we were doing the test earlier we found out that Harry had covering charms all over his body. We did ofcourse undo the spell and what we found was terrible. I think you all should see it yourselves so I'll leave you to it." she said and she walked out of the room. I was just as afraid to see what was coming as the others were. I was the one to walk to Harry's bed, takes his blanket off and to take a look at his back as the first one. Harry definitely wouldn't like it as he woke that we took a look at his body but that didn't matter now. What matters is the fact that a nurse advised us to do so. I carefully pulls his shirt up and I panicked from what I saw. It was even more bad than you think you could imagine. I fell to the ground crying. I put my head on my knees and I start crying. How couldn't I see it? Why didn't I notice something was wrong? All this time. Breathing is getting harder and my heartbeat fasten. I feel Molly besides me and at her calm expression on her face I can see that she didn't have seen the cuts and bruises on his back.

Lily's POV:

I have been watching Harry almost the whole days and nights. I am worried sick about him. He thinks he is getting better but he has nightmares, feels lonely and tries to forget his problems by working. Harry eats barely and he is way too thin. He is lying to everyone and abandons himself for everyone. James, Sirius, Lupin and Fred doesn't know anything about Harry's situation. He is currently working at Hogwarts and I'm proud that he tries to work him out of this but he needs help. I suddenly see Harry falling to the ground. I begin to scream and I'm sure that there is something wrong. Harry is strong so when he breaks and that isn't so often there is always something wrong. That is a charastics that he has from James. James, Sirius, Remus and Fred were in no time by my side. "What's wrong?" Sirius asked with worry written on his face, ofcourse. "Harry fell to the ground, unconscious" I said crying. We all watched with fear as harry got to St. Mungos. Harry being tested for was terrible. Sirius was the first one with fear in his eyes while they are testing him.

Sirius's POV:

They are currently testing Harry and I am worried about him. They were looking at his stomach as I saw a glimmer of a wound and - no he couldn't - could he? Was Harry hurting himself? But why? I shake my head to get the thought out of my head. They tested his eyes and reflexes. They were going to look at his stomach as they took of his shirt. Remus, Lily, James and I are equally shocked but Fred wasn't surprised at all. I looked to his side and said "Fred, why aren't you shocked?". Fred looked caught and said "I knew this, I once caught him half naked in the bathroom. But I must say that the cuts at his arm and wrist are new togh. They are too straight and new to be from the Dursleys so I don't know how they came there but the rest is all from the Dursleys". Lily started to cry and James laid his arms around her and comforted her. It cost a very long time to calm Lily down and she just stopped watching the tv for the first time this week. As you see, in heaven you do not get tired.

Harry's POV:

I only remember working at Hogwarts and then everything went black. There is a light coming down and I start to see more and more of my surroundings. I start to realise that I am in Godric's Hollow but how did I come here. I think of the Burrow and immediately the surroundings change and I apparate to the burrow. I wanted to walk in but I saw a small figure with fury red hair sitting at the lake. I walked towards her and I sit down beside her. I suddenly realise that the figure is Ginny Weasley.


	9. Chapter 9

Hii guys, I hope you enjoy this chapter! send me a private message with ideas or something I will always respond that is a promise.

Ginny's POV:

I was at a fight in Godric's Hollow, I jumped in front of Harry to protect him. After that everything went black. The light came and since then I am at home but I'm all alone. It is weird to be alone for such a long time. I have all the time to think and how more I think, how more I become worried about everyone. I know I'm not dead 'cause I would have seen Fred again but I am not alive 'cause I won't be here alone. For the 15th time I get up, take a shower and eat breakfast. I am going to swim today so I go upstairs to put on a swimsuit and I walk to the lake, I swim and swim and swim. After a few hours of swimming I walk out of the lake and go inside to put some clothes on. I eat lunch and go for a walk. After a very long walk I go and sit under my favorite tree. This tree is near the lake and it is my favorite one because I always did go and sit here with Harry when I needed to talk to him. I tried it a few times after the war but he never came. My life is a lot less fun without Harry but I need to forget him because he obviously forgot me. I needed him after the war and he left all of us and I truly understand he thinks it is hard but it is hard for me as well. I could have helped him but Harry being Harry he won't accept any help. He pushes himself away and what he then does is a real puzzle for me. I miss everyone so bad. I miss Ron and our argues, I miss Hermione when I need my best friend just as Luna, I miss Harry for a year and a half now, I miss my mother's dinner, Dads stories after his work, George's jokes, Percy to tell me what I am doing wrong this time, I miss Nevilles mistakes to laugh with and so on. I feel tears coming up but why should I even try to stop them, I am all alone so no one will see them. I suddenly hear a voice but at first I think I imagined it. I am feeling so alone now that I am imagining a voice. I hear the voice again, this time closer to me and I know it is real but how? Besides, it is a voice I know so well that I don't even need to look to know who it is. It is the voice of the one I love.

Harry's POV:

I slowly walk towards Ginny and I quietly say her name. I say it quietly to not make her jump but she doesn't even react. I know my voice cracks a lot of the not speaking but it is not so bad that my voice is not recognisable. So I say her name again but louder this time. Her head turns around and she flashes a few times. She stands up and just looks at me. No smile, no hug, no hello and not even a Harry. "Okay, uhm I think you won't talk to me so I'll just leave then" I say very disappointed and sad. "Wait Harry, I need to know why you left us" she said. "I .. can't" I say. "What can be so bad then" she asked. "Nothing you will understand though" I say a little frustrated. I am getting mad now. She won't understand it. She won't understand to have Voldemort in your soul for years. She won't understand how it is to have no parents, be abused by your only family, see people die for you, get to know your godfather and lose him after just two years. She won't understand how it is to be famous for something you can't even remember or to have an image of you that is not the person you are. "Why do you think I won't understand? Do you think I'm dumb?" She says clearly annoyed. "No, Ginny but you don't know anything about me. You have an image of me but I am not that person." Harry said. "I want to meet the real you!" She screams angry. "Okay, but don't expect me to go really fast, it will be hard for me and I know it will be hard for you as well." I say hesitating and asking myself if this is a smart idea. "really ?" Ginny asked and I nod in response. She runs to me and she is clearly really happy. She smiles and the light in her eyes is back. She gives me a hug and I am at first startled at the unexpected touch but I her hug her back. I let her go after a very long time and ask her a question I am asking myself since I came here. "Where are we?" I asked. "I don't know exactly but it is between dead and alive and we are completely alone here" she answered. "So how long have you been here alone then? "15 days". I am thinking, it is impossible that Ginny has been here for just 15 days. I mean she has been in an coma for four months now and she is just here for 15 days, that is absurd! "That is impossible, you have been in coma for four months, how are you just here for 15 days?" I ask her. She suddenly looks really shocked "4 months?!" She says getting really upset. I nod and she continues "The time must go slower here then". I nod and agree with her. I want to change our conversation subject to something funner. "So do you mind playing quidditch with me?" I ask. She starts smiling and says "absolutely not". We walk to the hut where the brooms are. We both take a broom, we send away the snitch, we count to 30 with our eyes closed and the games to find and catch the snitch has began.

Molly's POV:

Tell me what is happening to my family. Fred is dead, Ginny is in coma, Harry is in an coma and is depressed and Hermione gets a panic attack every time something bad happens. I don't understand what is so bad that she has a panic attack. Mcgonagall is getting the nurse while I am talking to an panicking Hermione to breath in and out very deeply but she doesn't seem to hear me at all. The nurse comes in and she has a plastic bag with her. She puts it on Hermione's mouth. That way breathing becomes harder so she will have to slow down her breathe. Now that the nurse is looking after Hermione I can finally find out what is so bad that Hermione has a panic attack. I slowly get up and hesitate for just one moment if it is a smart idea to look at the body of Harry if it really is that bad. I take the blanket off Harry and I see his back. It is terrible. Scars are everywhere. Some are just like it are letters but they are not. He is way fitter then he was in the battle. He is thinner, paler and taller. But his back. Those scars are terrible. He couldn't have given these to himself so who was hurting Harry this bad. But then his arms come into my sight and I suddenly see more recent scars but these are not older than 4 months and he was alone these whole 4 months so he has to have given these scars to himself but then he is self-harming. I start crying and I know why Hermione panicked now. Hagrid and Mcgonagall have clearly seen it as well because they are now standing beside me and they are looking just as shocked as I probably do. Mcgonagall is the first one to speak and she says "Let's check his belly". She turns HArry around so that we could see his belly and his belly is even badder. There are even more cuts and bruises. But there is one recent special scar. This scar is special because this scar is identical then that one on his forehead. Hagrid says "Who would abuse HArry this bad? I mean he is a good boy. He would never hurt anyone so who and why did this person do this?". Hagrid is crying but Mcgonagall is trying to stay strong but I see the sadness in her eyes. Just as worry and her typical thinking look. "How are we going to help him when he is awake?" I ask. "I think it is the best to take him back to the burrow and let him help rebuild the castle but keep an eye on him and try to talk to him but don't force anything if he really doesn't want to do something" Hagrid says. Mcgonagall agrees just as I do so that is settled. Hermione calmed down so I am going to take her home. I say bye to the rest in the room and I am going back to the burrow.


End file.
